terkalang

January 16, 2011 § 1 Comment

Hidup saya sebagai manusia bukan yang ternista saat ini. Masalah yang saya alami bukan juga bagian dari tragedi paling tragis abad ini. Prognosis dari apa yang saya hadapi juga  seharusnya tidak memiliki tendensi untuk menuju Acute Stress Disorder atau depresi mayor, namun saya benar-benar ingin mengakhiri hidup saya saat ini, saya sungguh ingin mati. Saya tidak peduli akan berakhir dimana setelah hidup saya berakhir, sungguh.

Setidaknya kalian harus tahu bukan ini kehidupan yang saya inginkan. Kebohongan, rasa malu, kehilangan, kesulitan tanpa jalan keluar, saya ingin semuanya selesai sampai di satu titik bukan menjadi garis kusut yang berlanjut tak tahu akan berujung dibagian mana. Betapa menyedihkan bahkan kebahagiaan tidak lebih dari sandiwara, hal yang baik berakar dari pura-pura. Untuk apa bertahan? Untuk menambah luka? Ingin menyiram luka dengan air keras agar jadi borok? Jika tidak bisa beritahu apa yang layak atau tidak, semuanya sama buruknya.

Betapa saya tidak menemukan jawaban apa pun dari semua ini, sehingga saya berpikir jika semua tidak berakhir, maka saya saja yang akan berakhir. Saya tidak memiliki waktu dan keinginan untuk menginginkan hal yang saya tidak miliki. Saya tidak pernah atau pun mau untuk berharap pada apapun. Semua pada jalurnya, begitu pun saya. Saya sungguh tidak peduli dengan hal lain. Keluarga lebih berat dari darah yang mengalir dalam diri saya, kemudian darah ini lebih berat daripada teman, tapi teman tetap berarti sesuatu dalam hidup saya.

Akan tetapi apa gunanya teman saat seperti ini? Tidak satu pun dari mereka disini dan mencoba memahaminya. Mereka semua punya kehidupan sendiri dan di dalamnya tidak ada saya. Saya pikir sebagian dari mereka juga tidak akan peduli jika saya berakhir, paling mungkin hanya segelintir tentang saya di timeline twitter selebihnya saya akan dilupakan untuk selamanya.

Apakah ini akan menjadi pilihan saya untuk mengakhiri hidup? Akankah begitu, Gis?

 

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a place to go

January 4, 2011 § Leave a comment

Whenever you think you’re all alone and nowhere to go, actually you still have a place to go.

That place is… hell.

Happy new year anyway!

something about Indonesia

December 17, 2010 § 1 Comment

things that I dislike about Indonesia:

trash at Bantar Gebang

demonstration at Senayan

 

and…

traffic jam at everywhere

but, I still love Indonesia by liking this things:

culinary (satai)

traditional games (galasin)

and the things that I can’t describe trough words, just like this one.

 

After all, I’m still proud to be part of this nation. Saya bangga jadi orang Indonesia.

terima kasih

December 17, 2010 § Leave a comment

acutely funny

November 30, 2010 § Leave a comment

Another stuff from nigahiga and Wong Fu Productions.

more than Tely does

October 29, 2010 § Leave a comment

It was cloudy afternoon, I saw the good friend of mine, Tely sat on the bench. His face told me he was feeling blue. Suddenly he told me to sit beside him and to hug him, so I did. Tely is a good friend with dominantly good attitude, he is a kind of a man who will do some concrete things rather than to think a lot and end up with doing nothing. In short, I felt depth empathy toward a friend.

Lately, I found my self in lack of fun. I feel blue all the time, faking some laughter, and mostly being alone. Too bad, I’m that sad. People did some mistakes to me, they were saying sorry. They apologized to me, ask some forgiveness. I don’t what should I do. Because I don’t want them to apologize, I only want them to do one thing. I want them to undo their mistakes.

I think I need someone to hug me; I need a hug, more than Tely does.

 

unfollowing you, yeah you!

October 29, 2010 § Leave a comment

A few months ago I found my followers on twitter has been descrased. I didn’t worry about it, because I thought, it was something that was necessary to think for. Every people has their own right to follow or unfollow someone on twitter.  that’s why, I don’t even care when I got less follower.  I only follow people that I know, inspirational people, and mostly collegeaus.

Today, I found that someone at home has blocked the internet access to twitter. So, I need to use the other web 2.0 based application to sign in to the twitter. While I was checking the twitter based application web, I found friendorfollow.com.  Speaking of curiousity of wanted to use it, count me in. So, I used it, then the result really suprised me. Actually when I looked to my twitter timeline, I’ve been bored with some tweet by specific friends from college. They were tweeting about complaining, where they were at, or saying thank you for some people but nothing seems important about their tweet. Then, I found they were unfollowing me, gotcha! Okay, I didn’t get angry, I just got a little suprised, remembering how most of them still ask me for any kind of help, but they also take me as unimportant friend by unfollowing my twitter. So, what I was only unfollowing them, I didn’t really give a damned about what they do to me.

Moral of the story, are you sure people that you’ve been unfollowed are following you? Ask yourself then.