monologue #21: the more I, the less I

July 11, 2009 § Leave a comment

A countdown to the end of my first year at college. Nothing wrong, but a lot of things have changed. I came to this campus with all my hope and pride. I thought I want to be psychologist, that’s why I choosed this place, the finest Psychology Faculty in Indonesia (they said so). I really wanted to be psychologist, I used to.

I went trough some difficulties. Got a few bad scores, some intricts with some of my lectures, misunderstanding between collegeaus, and so on. I also went trough some extraordinary happiness. In this place, I found the joy of openess, I met nice people (actually supercalifragilisticexpialidoucious friends, they’re absolutely wonderful), super lecturer, and did something fun. Sounds cliche, but I was am enjoying all of them.

But, as a living creature in organic time and space (what the fuck is this sentence doing here?), we’ll change, so I will. I am not that intrested anymore to be psychologist. Old Gisca would have a big curiosity to read something from Freud, but she isn’t that curious anymore now. I don’t know. The more I got the point of the thing I’ve learned, it seems hard to gain more expectancy. Some of my friends say, “No, you’re not”, but the fact is, “Yes, I am.”

Okay, maybe it’s tentative and it will change in my waste of spare time. I don’t know.

Do I really want to be psychologist?

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